On the 12th there’s a farewell staff dinner for a librarian of ours who is transferring back to the main branch. I’m actually going….but only because I saw that a Page I’ve been wanting to get to know [we never have shifts together, but occasionally meet each other in passing as I’m at my locker getting things to leave, and he’s there at his putting things in as he arrives] marked “Yes” on the list of who’s going. I’m nervous/excited.
I did pretty well at the holiday potluck, though, and I know the staff really does love me….I just suck SO MUCH as social situations. I don’t know a thing about this guy, or even if we’ll end up talking at all during this, but hell, I’ve got to get out of the house any way.
My flirtationship is going down the drain. I was supposed to stay at his place tonight. Then an hour after we finalized our plans he fuggin texts saying he’s not feeling well and we should make it another night. Dude, I raise a toddler essentially by myself AND work AND you live out of town AND I no longer have a car. We don’t have many opportunities to get together, and making it happen takes a LOT of work on my part. Work that I don’t have time for. I basically told him he was more trouble than he was worth, and that was that. It’s no big deal because he was just a fun little fling…but I can’t say I’m not going to miss having someone flatter the fuck out of me at all hours of the day. lol.
If he moves back into town like he said he might, then maybe we can pick back up…but for the time being it’s really just too much of a god damn hassle.
Work has been going PERFECTLY. I was afraid people would be a little peeved at the note I left on when I resigned before, but I was welcomed with hugs and smiles and “We’re SO glad you’re back”s. They even still had the birth announcement I sent them pinned up on the bulletin board in the staff area <3. I was so touched and am so glad that they cared for me just as much as I did them.
Ellie babe, who turned 1 on December 17th, is amazing. I can’t even count how many words she can say, and every day she’s learned some new awesome skill. She’s been in a toddler bed for months now and now that she doesn’t feel caged in [like in her crib] she sleeps wonderfully.
Parker and I split a long while back. September, I guess? After a long while of him turning away any time I went to kiss him so I’d hit his cheek instead, I called him out on his pathetic weakness in his inability to just tell me he didn’t want to be with me any more, and kicked him out of my house.
That sounds bad, and at first it was…I spent a long time trying to put my family back together. But somewhat recently I let go. It’s a two way street and I was the only one willing to walk it. I can go out knowing that I did everything I could to try and patch things up.
ANY WAY, I don’t even miss him any more. My only issue is that he is a “play date dad” with Ellia, and not a parent. So this week I told him I want set-in-stone arrangements for when he’s going to have her, and that [as painful as it is for me to be away from El] he needs to start taking her overnight. Nothing else has made him wake up and realize that parenting is more than showing up unannounced and taking her to the park to play…I’m hoping that having to [GETTING TO!!!] spend extended periods of time with her will make him realize what parenting REALLY is, and what a strain it’s been on me to be the only real parent as well as the only person bringing in any income [did I mention he STILL doesn’t have a job, and I’m sure isn’t really trying to get one].
But it’s been good for me here. I love having Ellia to myself [though I do need a break, and she does need a father]. We have a blast and I can’t imagine what my life would be like without her.
On a fun and dirty note, I’ve been “seeing” this guy I went to high school with but never actually knew. We ended up being friends on facebook after a shared political opinion in the comments of someone’s hyper-religious status update and somehow that eventually lead to us being, I don’t know, what’s the polite way to put it? “Friends with benefits?”
We click on a lot of levels, have a blast chatting/texting/talking, and man it’s about time I finally got laid again. It’s SO nice to have a situation where I don’t have to worry about the commitment and lovey dovey bullshit. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a romantic who wants to *eventually* find love and commitment and lovey dovey bullshit…but I definitely don’t want that now, and it ROCKS having someone around who doesn’t want that, either.
I’m tired of typing now, and have probably already said too much, any way. So goodnight Tumblr-verse. I don’t know why I bother…no one reads this shit any way! hahaha
“You deserve so much better. You are wonderful. You are smart and gorgeous, an amazing mother, and a pretty darn good person. You deserve someone responsible enough to love and support you if not financially then at least emotionally. In the long run he’s doing you a favor by stepping out of the way for someone who deserve to spend their life with you and your little miracle.”
- My best friend, ladies and gentlemen <3
Always making me believe what I already know. Always making me realize the things that I never saw before. Always making me accept the things that I deny. And always, always loving me just the fucked-up way I am.
I can never thank you for everything you’ve done and continue to do for me, AV….
She demands, “Don’t limit me”
There by, limiting everyone else.
So yesterday I had my physical with the city doctor as a pre-employment step for my library gig [because when you work for the gov-ment, they want to make sure you’re in tip-top shape before they hire you, so they don’t have to shell out money for you when something they didn’t know about goes wrong under their roof].
On the medical history paperwork they asked me to list any and all medications I am currently taking. The LAST thing that I listed was prenatal vitamins, which I take because I am still nursing my daughter, and she still needs those nutrients.
So the doc is taking a look at the sheet and remarks with a bit of a shocked gasp, “Prenatal Vitamins?! Are you trying to get pregnant ::widens eyes::.”
Yes, Dr. Oblivious, that’s why The FIRST thing that I listed was Micronor, aka THE BIRTH CONTROL PILL.
It’s good to know you’re paying attention.
She also had a lot of ballsy and inappropriate questions for me, such as, “But who is going to take care of your daughter?!“….as though no woman in the world has ever returned to work after giving birth [even though she herself remarked that she has two young children {6 and 9 I believe}]….Gee, Dr. InsanelyRude, I thought I’d just leave her in the parking lot during my shifts >_< EVER HEARD OF A BABY SITTER? OR A FATHER? OR DAYCARE?
”Why are your eyes so dilated?“…Wait, I thought YOU were the doctor. How the fuck am I supposed to know? And you JUST drug tested me, so drop your suspicious tone. “Are they always like that?” [this time I actually DID reply with what I was thinking] “I don’t know, I can’t exactly see them from here..”
On the positive side of things, my boss called me up today and gave me my schedule and start date [This Saturday, w00t!]. I work longer hours than I did the last time I was working there, but I only work three days a week. This is GREAT, because it means I’m spending less money on gas driving all the way out there and back, and I get more full days at home with my girl =).
I’m stoked, but also very nervous..
…with Ellia, who is sound asleep in her bed. On the monitor, I keep hearing things banging and moving around, so I go in her room and she’s still sound asleep. WHAT THE HELL o_0. Leave me alone, ghosts…or sneaky hobo who’s taken up residence under my bed…or who/whatever you are.
I’m going to be SO bad at having my own place; I’m such a wimp.
A letter 17 year old Zooey Deschanel wrote to the editors of Vogue. Vogue ended up publishing the letter.
Go Zooey! She even rocked as a kid!
(via zooeydeschanel)
(via captainthermostat)
I told my mom about a onsie I saw at Kohls that says “What Santa doesn’t bring me, grandma will”.
Her response? “Exactly. She’s getting that bed one way or another.”
——-
Hello, Tumblr! It’s been a while. I don’t know how up to speed you are. Ellia walks - has been walking since 9.5 months. Crazy kid. She also CLIMBS…I found her on top of her music table the other day ::facepalm::. My dad says I deserve it. It’s pay back for all the crazy climbing I did as a baby/toddler/kid/teenager.
Since she isn’t supposed to be able to walk, none of the footed clothing in her size has grips on the feet, and we have mostly wood floors. Fuzzy pajama feet and wood floors do NOT mix. So I’ve been adding my own grips with fabric paint. They’re working wonderfully and I love the sound of the little paint dots slapping the floor as she runs around =).
She has five [almost six] teeth and she’s great at using them. She still predominantly eats homemade food [I recently started making wontons {banana & cream cheese and butternut squash & peas so far}], but she’s also a big fan of what I call “baby cheetos” but what Gerber calls “lil’ crunchies”, puffs, and last night I bought her toddler biscuits and some Gerber spinach & cheese ravioli and she loves those, too.
We’re still bed-sharing, and she’s still nursing [golden boobies, w00t!], but I plan on buying her a toddler bed for her birthday or Christmas and both transitioning her to her own bed and start the process of weaning her around then.
NOW FOR ME!!
I applied for a position as a library page for the same system that I worked for before I left during my pregnancy. I was nervous, because I didn’t leave the way I would have liked to, but sure enough, they called me in for an interview! I wowed the panel just as I had almost a year ago when I first interviewed for the job - I could just TELL they loved me. Last time around, that’s where it ended - with the panel interview. THIS TIME, I received and e-mail informing me that I had made it through the panel and would soon be receiving a phone call to arrange for a personal interview. o_0.
That interview was arranged for yesterday morning, and since they are hiring for both branches in the system, this interview was with my former boss, as well as the woman who would be my boss if I were to be hired at the main branch.
The interview took all of five minutes while they asked me situational questions that I easily knew the answers to, as they were situations I had encountered many times during my employment, and had me arrange a large stack of index cards alphabetically by author’s last name.
When my ex-boss walked into the administration lobby to bring me into the interview room, he appeared genuinely excited to see me, and both of them smiled their way through the interview.
I don’t want to get my hopes up, because you never really KNOW…but I am a perfect fit for the job. It’s possible that they may have seen individuals who are equally as, or more qualified than I am, but I know they will never find anyone who will truly love the job as much as I will - as much as I did.
If I get the job, I will be buying Ellia this toddler bed for her birthday or Christmas:
…and if I don’t, apparently grandma will be. lol.
So now that I am done being somebody’s girlfriend, I would like to let everyone know that I absolutely, to the very core of me, DESPISE being referred to as “SoandSo’s Girlfriend.”
I have been “SOandSo’s Girlfriend” for a decade or so now, and I’m getting really tired of it. Why bother even having a name?
My name is Cait, learn it.
It’s only 4 little letters long; it really shouldn’t be that hard.
…for my heart to be unbroken by the sea”
